Its not enough, i feel like im sufficating , drowning.I'm not who used to be .

I feel like im fucking myself each and every moment, like im missing some big part of me, i have gained weight and i just feel like a fat blob, people must look at me because of the way i dress, im really self hating but when you literally have everyone like that towards you, including your mum, its hard to things differnetly, i just dont like anything.

Its like no matter what i do things get out of hand, its like everone is enjoying life apart from me, no one wants me near them, i just feel like a mess, i could barely take care of myself like im losing right now