he came back into my life

Well i have to admit ...i wasnt expecting him to come tubling back into my life. tellling me he searched high and low for me. angry because i never looked for him ...what the hell does expect me to do. telling me its in the past its okay...up no. YOU gae up on me and i just ended up having enough . im not going to buy into his games. with him all i do is wonder when he will answer my messages or when he will eventually pick up my calls. fuck him. ever since i left him i have been so good. new job , better relationships with my family. only good came from leaving him. and now that he is back i feel the same as when he first left me.i just dont want to do it to myself again. i dont care anymore . he will never be what i want him to be . at least text someone that ur busy. he will try to find me again but this time i womt look back . yes i am on muslima and it has nothing to do with him. i dont want someone who will break my heart. and im going to say to him YOU gave up on me.YOU broke my heart. when i wanted it work u never did and now i dont understand why i am so important to you. i dont wanna be hurt again . i am fine with my life . after we broke up i hoped you called but u neer did u waited a month because u realised u lost me . and that u definetly did. goodbye ameen. i hope someone breaks ur heart the way u broke mine .

this a promise to myself.

Today I have finally realized I have had enough of everything. and everyone. Im doing my last and finally try for my exams on tuesday and i literally cant think or write. My whole family think im some kind of messs. that bitch whos name i wont even bother uttering thinks that she cant do what she does to me over and over again well go ahead. I dont fucking care . i dont mean shit to hoyo and i know it. she just uses me when it suits her needs . I feed the kids including the older ones , wash, clean and everything , take hamda to school and im known as a push over .

I know im going to end up leaving and nevcer speaking to my family again. But I want to just leave without saying anything to anyone . Literally just leaving . If hoyo asks me what happened im just going to say to her that im done. im not going to live in house where that witch is , there is no way . im not talking to anyone in this shit hole. she will say a bunch of shit but i'm just gonna keep quiet .the last times i caused a havoc but now i'm just going to keep quiet. hoyo will never get her in trouble for anything and its surprising. im like hello she will never leave she doesnt have the guts . she wants to be me so badly the bitch cant even spell. wallah hoyo wastes her time. 

i wont waste my time on anything in this fucking house . i dont care about kids, hoyo or anyone . i was supposed to be graduating this year from university . but the whole of second yr i got beaten by my mum for reasons i dont know. its so funny looking back and seeing the person that i used to be . i was so dead inside in sixth form , so insecure, well im not insecure but i do need to discover myself outside this house . i want to travel and do things that i want to . i dont really care about keeping a relationship with hoyo i have had it . she always sticks up for samira like there will never be a day that she wont . walah i am just going to talk to the council about registering for being homeless and im ima chat shit wallah get myself i one bedroom place and do something definitely call the job seekers place some point this week and walk to the hounslow one ill take a bus there and walk the rest of the way home . i know myself i really cant be in this house is messy, nasty and honestly cant deal with anyone , since i was a kid i never fitted in this family ...like legit cant deal with it. im over it walah . i took all my things from them i'm dealing with everything on my own from now on like im tired and exhausted of the same circle of things .From now on i'm keeping my mouth shut and im legit not talking to no one in this house at all. morning im in uni night time i come back thats thats . im not even gonna try and play . hoyo and me are gonna get into it but im simply gonna say im not gonna be at the house while she is the house at  the house at the same time . because im simply not having it wallah. im just going to quietly leave not even gonna mention nothing to no one walah it has nothing to do with me anymore i just hope that i make it in life. its not about relationships and all that for me anymore. it doesn't matter that i don't have much friends or that i cant keep a guy. ill just avoid friends and i will avoid men . im not about to have anything stop my motivation of getting a life for myself. i dont need my mother or anyone else in my life to disappointment. wallah i know even samsam thinks i stole her headphones but why didn't that cow mention anything to me .

im not even trying to care anymore im getting on with my life . calling up the brentford call centre and seeing if they have considered me and basically im just gonna work so hard to earn money and save everything to get my own place wallah even if uni doesnt work out im work man i dont give a shit . i will do what i can . im still young im going to make it inshaallah . i dont anything or anyone in my life to suffocate me or to make me feel trapped . im just going to live my life wallah .no man . no family just me doing me . making my money . i am a person thats been hurt too many  times but noit anymore . wallah im going get me some job seekers allowance and im going to what can to make it thats a promise .